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Money and Relationships

Written by Marianne Heron with Paul Britton

Funny about money… money matters can cause more rows between couples than anything else. Funny about money… money matters can cause more rows between couples than anything else. Perhaps that’s not because of money itself but what it represents, especially power. Whose money actually is it for a start? Are finances joint finances, or do they belong more to the person who actually does the earning or has the superior earning power. Do non-earners feel inhibited about spending the earner’s money, do couples separate out the responsibility for different areas of spending (he pays the mortgage – she buys the groceries). On the other hand, do they have a ‘yours, mine and ours’ situation where there is a fund for general expenses and each have an agreed personal allowance, which seems a fair and reasonable arrangement. Probably not, and so it is hardly surprising that couples don’t agree about retirement finances never mind how their retirement should look.

Each of us has a different attitude to money: savers can end up with spenders; planners end up with spendthrifts, and worriers can end up with partners who avoid ever looking at the bottom line. You need to talk about money, especially in retirement so that you can have a joint plan.

How can you do this without starting world war three?

Don’t talk about money when there is a row about it looming.

Talk about money in a general way so that you understand more of his or her money style

Share family history, the way money was treated in your family – were you expected to earn your way through college?

Choose a peaceful time to talk and abide by conflict resolution rules.

Share your hopes and plans for the future and use this as a way to discuss the money.

This excerpt was taken from Rewire Don’t Retire, sponsored by Irish Life and Active Retirement Ireland. You can download the full guide HERE