Managing finances as a couple can sometimes feel like a challenge. Whether you’re newlyweds, planning to move in together, or just looking to get a better handle on your joint finances, understanding the dos and don’ts can make all the difference.

Here are some straightforward, practical tips to get you started. 

When is the best time to bring up the topic of money in a relationship? 

Talking about money might not be the most romantic conversation, but it’s one of the most important ones. So, when’s the best time to bring it up? The earlier you do it, the better. While it might not be the best topic for the first date, it’s best if you cover it before you start planning a future together.  

Why shared financial goals matter 

“Joint goals keep both sides motivated,” says Irish Life financial advisor Tara Agnew. “Also, two people working towards a common financial goal will likely get there more quickly than they would alone.”

When you both have the same goals, you’re more likely to achieve them together. They can bring you closer and give you a shared sense of purpose. So, what dreams do you and your partner share?

Short-term goals could be things like saving for a holiday or renovating your home. These goals are great for an immediate sense of achievement – they’re manageable and give you a tangible sense of progress. Achieving these goals helps keep your spirits high and your momentum going. Plus, it shows you can work well as a team.

Long-term goals take more time and patience. They might include saving for a deposit on your first home or setting aside money for retirement. These are the big-ticket items that require more planning and, often, some expert advice to navigate. But they’re exciting as they lay the foundation for your future together.

And here’s the best part: aiming for the same goals means you’ve got each other’s backs. Hit a bump in the road? No problem. You’ve got a plan and someone who’s in it with you to figure things out. 

Preparing to move in: the financial checklist 

Moving in together? The top advice from psychotherapist and Irish Times columnist Trish Murphy is to “talk, talk, and talk some more.”

Talk about debts, spending habits, and how you plan to manage your expenses. It’s also a good time to discuss how household responsibilities and expenses will be shared or divided. There are a few things you should address in a financial conversation: 

Understand each other’s money mindset 

We all have different attitudes towards money, shaped by our life experiences. Openly discussing these can lead to more effective financial planning.

One person might be an extremely risk-averse spendthrift who would rather die than buy a coffee before work, much less open an investment account. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if they’re living with a partner who dreams of cryptocurrency riches and gets through six caramel frappes a week, there could be conflict down the road. 

Budget together 

Let’s face it: conversations about budgeting might not be the most exciting ones, but they are just as important as those heart-to-hearts.

It’s not just about who spent what; it’s about understanding each other’s spending habits and values. Creating a joint budget can help you track shared expenses and savings goals. 

Seek professional advice 

Sometimes, getting an external perspective can add clarity to complex financial decisions or help with long-term financial planning. A financial advisor can help demystify the process, whether you’re looking at insurance, pensions, or simply checking that your financial goals are aligned. 

Have an emergency fund 

Life is full of surprises, and not all of them are pleasant. An emergency fund is your financial safety net. Think of it as a buffer that keeps you above water without derailing your financial goals or forcing you into debt. Irish Life Financial Services advisors recommend having at least three months’ expenses covered in this fund, if you can manage it.

How to manage money imbalance as a couple 

Dealing with different incomes in a relationship can feel a bit like walking a tightrope – one wrong step and things might feel off-balance. It’s a common scenario: one partner earns more than the other, but how you handle this difference is what really counts.

Tara offers some sage advice: “If your salaries are vastly different, a frank conversation about the percentage of non-discretionary and discretionary spending each person is liable for can save embarrassment or resentment down the road.”

This means being open with each other about what you earn and figuring out together how to fairly split expenses, savings, and investments based on what each person can afford.

The concept of equity versus equality plays a big role here. While equality means both of you put in the same amount, equity is about making sure what each of you contributes feels fair.

“Equality and equity are different things,” explains Trish. “You can have equity in a relationship where one person brings in most of the income while the other sets up the life together.”

So, it’s all about finding a balance that recognises the different ways you and your partner contribute to the relationship, beyond just the money. 

How should couples split finances? 

Deciding how to merge finances is a big step for any couple. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, but understanding your options is the first step to finding what works best for you: 

Get out the spreadsheet 

If one person earns a good bit more than the other, it might not be fair to expect both people to split expenses down the middle. Some couples in this situation might consider a proportional, percentage-based split.

Imagine a couple who share an apartment and pay €1,500 rent per month. If one person earns €60,000 and the other earns €40,000, then it could make sense for the higher earner to pay €900 (60%) of the rent, i.e. the same proportion as their contribution to the household income.

Create a joint account for shared expenses 

A joint account is great for managing household bills, groceries, and shared savings. But as Tara advises, be crystal clear on what the joint account is for to avoid any mix-ups.

“Be very clear from the outset what a joint account is. Is it for groceries and utility bills, or for dinners and hair appointments? If one person uses the account as agreed but the other dips in for treats it could lead to friction.” 

Individual accounts for personal spending 

Of course, you don’t have to share all your income. In fact, having some personal money can be a great idea to avoid arguments about one person spending money on something the other doesn’t think is a good idea.

“Having personal accounts in addition to a joint account allows you to maintain some financial independence,” says Tara. “You can both decide on a fair amount to contribute to the joint account for shared expenses while keeping personal spending separate.” 

Tackling the long-term 

First up, let’s talk pensions.

Planning for retirement might seem a bit dull now, but trust us, your future selves will thank you. Whether it’s setting up a pension (if you haven’t done so already) or making sure you’re both putting aside a sufficient amount, pensions are a big piece of the long-term financial puzzle. You’re probably hoping to retire together, so you need to get on the same page.

Also, don’t forget about insurance. Taking out a joint policy for things like life insurance can be a smart move.

“With a joint policy, each party can be covered to the level necessary,” explains Tara. “Costs can be kept to a minimum, and each person is aware of the level of cover on both sides which gives you peace of mind.” 

How to spot and handle money issues in a relationship 

Paying attention to the early warning signs of financial stress is key to keeping your relationship strong. Watch out for frequent arguments about money, secretive spending, or a sudden reluctance to discuss finances. These red flags can put a strain on any relationship, so it’s essential to address them early on. 

The best approach? Have regular, open chats about your finances.

“You can make this easier by picking a relaxed time, like a Saturday morning coffee or a leisurely walk,” says Trish. “Being in a calm and comfortable setting can lower the chance of tension and make it easier for both of you to express your feelings and listen to each other without getting defensive.”

Remember that when it comes to addressing disagreements in a relationship (financial or otherwise), it’s not just about finding out what’s wrong but understanding why it’s happening. Is there an underlying issue that needs addressing, like stress at work or personal insecurities? 

It can be tough to get around money issues in a relationship. In fact, Tara moves from financial advice to relationship advice with a piece of advice from her nan: “love goes out the window when the bills start coming in!